hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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