And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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