2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
