i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she peed on how many people?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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