Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
