Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
