alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
