i barfeds in our rink
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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