she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please don't give away my fajitas
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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