Already got asked if we're dating
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
