Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize