I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
