i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
COCAINE IS GR8
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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