Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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