Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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