Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
