he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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