More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize