sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize