Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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