If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
