Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
