I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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