Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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