Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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