I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
