omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
