Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
