I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
