How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize