I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
