I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize