At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
