If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
