Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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