So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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