So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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