Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked a lego.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
