By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
