so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
