hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
