I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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