I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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