yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
