...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
