You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
