My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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