Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
