M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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