please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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