I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
