So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
