my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize