Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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