I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize