she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
