i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
