I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
