all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
