I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
