walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
