They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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