She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
