yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize