No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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