My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
