was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Alive.
So much puke
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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