i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
