That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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