We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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