So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
