the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
