This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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