Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
