New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
