covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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