We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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